by Fred Macdowell
An American rabbi ("minister"), signing his name Ezra, wrote in 1876, about how a woman came to him, deeply distressed. The problem was that her daughter was determined to marry a man, and she was very against it. "Is he Jewish? Is his family good? Can he support her?" he asked the mother. She said yes to all of the above (turned out the rabbi knew him), but nevertheless, she can't stand the young man; she thinks he is only interested in her daughter for her money. So she asked the rabbi if he would talk to her daughter, and tell her that if she marries the man that her mother opposes she will never be happy. He didn't want to do it, saying his position is for bringing people together in marriage, not separate them. But the mother was so insistent that he speak to her daughter, that he agreed, just to shut her up. Then the mother added, "By the way, my daughter won't listen if she thinks it's coming from me. So here's how I'd like you to approach it. I have a portrait of Rabbi Akiva Eger. Come to my house, my daughter will answer, and you will ask to see the portrait and consider buying it. Then you will bring the conversation around about whether she's engaged and then take it from there naturally."
When the time came, he went to the house, the daughter answered, and as soon as she confirmed it was her, he completely forgot about the picture. And, he continues, he was sort of astonished at how... ugly she was. And he realized that there's this guy who she thinks is crazy about her and wants to marry her. And he doesn't know that she'll get another chance like that. So he just kind of lamely said that her mother asked him to visit. She replied that she knew that, and doesn't care what her mother thinks, she can't be dissuaded from marrying him, unless you know something really bad about him - now is the time to say so. So he replied that she was right - even though he knew that the mother claimed he was only interested in her for money. But he knew he was a good guy, and so left it at that.
He writes that later that night he faced the mother, and he'd never seen someone so angry. She complained that not only didn't he do what he said he would, but he put his stamp of approval on it; she was able to tell her mother that the rabbi said she is right. Then she lectured him, "If you had acted as I wished you to do, to frame some excuse, and asked to see the picture of the immortal Rabbi Akiva Eger, his very looks would have stamped the truth on you."
And then she added," When I entered my house this afternoon, I found the poor rabbi on the floor; for the first time in twenty years has he left his place, the nail which held the picture never gave way before, and the moment I saw the vacant spot on the wall, and the terrifying sight on the floor, I knew something had taken place to cause his fall. The mischief has now been done; you have caused a child to rebel against her mother, you have broken one of the ten commandments, and are no longer fit to hold a holy office. You will be punished measure for measure."
And then she made him hang up the Rabbi Akiva Eger portrait on the wall again.
Anyway, he ends, that he learned his lesson: never to interfere with family matters, you'll just be blamed in the end.
